The last couple of weeks have taught me a lot about being humble and about grace. Once I decided to start telling people about what is going on, so many people have reached out. It has humbled me and filled me with a such a feeling of being loved and cared about, I can’t help but feel like I’m experiencing grace in some form. To all who have texted, called, emailed, or commented here … thank you. I always wondered if it meant anything when I reached out to say a few words to others who are going through a thing. Now, I know it does.
With that in mind, I just want to let you all know the latest. Two tests were supposed to take a week to come back. The doctor told me that if either of those tests came back with anything, I’d hear from him sooner instead of later. Which means some time this week. If I don’t hear from him this week, I’m considering that good news.
The third test, however, takes around three weeks. I just saw on my on-line portal for my HMO that I have a follow-up appointment scheduled with the hematologist for February 7. Yes, they scheduled it without contacting me to confirm I’m available. Sigh. But regardless of that … February 7 is apparently when I will know more.
Until then, I’m doing fine. It’s an odd thing. I’ve spent my adult life convinced there was a poison lurking in my body that would take me away from this world before I was ready. This fear really developed when my kids were born and I was afraid I wouldn’t get to see them grow up. Well, they’re 27 and 24 now, so I guess they’re grown. But besides that … now that I’ve got closer than ever before to a possible diagnosis of one of those “poisons,” I’m not in a panic. I’m not overly concerned. In this purgatory between test and results, I’m basically in a “we’ll see what happens” mode combined with a “it is what it is” afterthought. Of course, if there is bad news on February 7, my happy-go-lucky attitude may completely change, but for the moment, I am at peace with whatever the outcome may be.
There will be a lot of twiddled thumbs between now and February 7, but I’m also continuing to do my thing every day. Bicycling, cooking, baking, napping, reading, and writing. Something has happened in the couple of months that has renewed my interest in writing. I spend a few hours at it almost every day, which is far more than I can say about any of the last 5-7 years. I’m enjoying it again and actually, almost look forward to that time of the day.
Thank you again to all of my friends “in real life” and here on social media who have reached out. You are the Most Valuable Players in my life.