KingMidget's Ramblings

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I Should Have Been Kicked Off the Planet About 30 Years Ago

There’s a story out about an Oklahoma University football player who slugged a girl.  It happened several years ago.  The player pled to a misdemeanor assault charge and was suspended by the football team for a year.  Since his suspension was up, he has returned to the team and played the last couple of seasons.

Now the video of the assault has been released and there is uproar.  The video is embedded in this article.

When I was in my 20s I had my first real girlfriend.  She was a toxic, insecure mess and it took me a long (looooooong) time to break up with her.  For the first year of our relationship, when she got upset with me over some perceived slight, she would slap me.  In the face.  Sometimes over and over again.  I never struck back until our first New Year’s Eve together when something set her off.  A key ingredient to her attacks was alcohol consumption, although not always.

I finally had it that night.  She wouldn’t stop slapping me.  In the face.  And they weren’t delicate slaps.  I slapped her back and told her never again.

She never slapped me again.

To read the article I linked to above and some of the other stuff I’ve read about the incident involving the football player, apparently I was in the wrong.  And all hope for me was lost in the instant I decided to strike back.  Good to know.  Odd thing is that I have never struck another human being since.  Never spanked my children either.  But we race to condemn this kid who was, yes a kid, probably 17 or 18 years old and demand that he should have been exiled.  Watch the video if you haven’t already.  He should have walked away.  The question is why didn’t she.

[Edited to add:  To be absolutely clear — I am not condoning his actions at all, so if you feel like commenting on this, do not accuse me of condoning his actions.  I felt horrible for years after I slapped my girlfriend.  It bothers me to this day that I sunk to that level.]

Now back to my blogging exile.  Talk amongst yourselves.


14 responses to “I Should Have Been Kicked Off the Planet About 30 Years Ago

  1. A Passionate Dreamer December 17, 2016 at 8:23 am

    I mean, with my history of abuse, I still agree you were in the right since she wouldn’t stop Maybe thats what she wanted from you? In any case you are not a bad person.

  2. S.K. Nicholls December 17, 2016 at 9:50 am

    I’m not as nice as you. I’ll knock the hell out of anyone who physically causes me harm. When I was about twelve years old, there was a Doctor Evil concert at my hometown theater one Halloween that drew a huge crowd. People were packed like sardines, shoulder to shoulder, trying to get into the venue before it sold out. Racial tensions were high during that time because schools had just been integrated here the year before. A black woman…I’ll guess around 18-20, reached through the crowd with a lit cigarette lighter and set my hair on fire, screaming, “I know how to get through these white ass honkies!” I grabbed her arm and bit it to draw blood. A fight ensued and the crowd parted. People were kicking me as we rolled around on the sidewalk fighting, encouraging her. She flung me over a car and my step-sister was on the other side of it. She handed me a Vick’s Formula 44 bottle and I cracked it on the sidewalk to break it. The woman came around the car to grab me again and I slashed her legs to bloody shreds. The police came and I hid under the coat of an older friend. The woman was arrested and the police didn’t pat her down before putting her in the squad car. My dad read the newspaper to me the next day. She had pulled a gun on the police from the back seat of the squad car. I could have been shot dead that night. But I wasn’t. My dad cautioned me about fighting, but he told me if I ever had to fight, make certain I was going to win. I have had to fight for my life many times since then due to different circumstances. I’m not saying it’s right, but I’m not dying at someone else’s hands if I can help it. As far as the sex/gender issue goes. I was once reprimanded at school and the principle was going to suspend me for kicking a guy in the nuts after he had spit a loogie into my hair. But, not do anything to the boy. He was the star quarterback. The principle called my dad to the school and expressed his intentions. My dad stood up for me and told the principle if I missed one day of school over the incident there would be a law suit and, right in front of the principle, my dad told me, “The only thing you didn’t do right was beat the hell out of him when he was doubled over.” It may not be the most rational of parenting methods but, as many times as I’ve had to defend myself, I’m grateful for what I was taught. If it’s self defense, you have every right to stay alive.

    • kingmidget December 17, 2016 at 9:55 am

      Can’t quibble with any of your actions you describe here. It really bothers me when I see this “man may never strike a woman” thing. It gives some women a belief that they can hit men and they can do so with impunity. My crazy girlfriend thought that and said it to me. What bothers me about the incident involving the football player is that the girl initiated the physical altercation. Where is the outcry about that?

      • S.K. Nicholls December 17, 2016 at 10:08 am

        Exactly!!!! My ex-husband was only spanked once in his life and that was for hitting his sister. He was told boys don’t hit girls…and it affected him traumatically for the rest of his life. I won’t get into how/why. His sister constantly harassed him and he grew up feeling a severe hatred toward women.

  3. hirundine608 December 17, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    I’ve been married twice, before this one. My last ex. would find something that irked and then keep at it, until I was angry. I told her, you delight in this. This is fun for you. Well be careful or one day, I’m going to forget you’re a girl/woman and slug you one. Needless to say, the day eventually came and I told her, “back off”. Leave it alone. Go away. Nope the needling continued. So, I just up and slugged her one. Not proud of it. But the behaviour ceased. Later on a year or so before we split up. She told me she had been diagnosed with what is now called bi-polar condition. Though manic-depressive seems a better description?

    Luckily I’m now married to a sweetie and she is one of those angels on this earth. But that ex? I bumped into one of her oldest friends and was describing some of the antics that woman would employ. This friend said. Don’t worry, “Mental Illness runs in that family, she did it to me too”. Which gave pause. For why had I not seen that? Too close, I suppose.

    Some people are just plain ornery. ’nuff said! Cheers Jamie.

    • kingmidget December 18, 2016 at 8:42 am

      The girlfriend I referred to in this post was probably bipolar or manic depressive as well. Or in my shorthand, a toxic mess. I hope she found some peace with her demons in the years since.

      As for not seeing it … we never see a lot of these things until years later. Hindsight is 20/20.

  4. Christy Anna Beguins December 20, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    I was raised on the following advice.
    “Never hit someone if you’re not prepared to get hit back.”
    Some of the best advice I ever received.

    Similar thing happened with Ray Rice. I actually thought they were harsh on him. Sometimes, especially when alcohol is involved, you have to do things to protect yourself, and even to protect the other person from themselves.

    Good luck with your break, Mark. I’ll be doing the same come January.

    • kingmidget December 21, 2016 at 8:25 pm

      I don’t know what advice I got on this topic. All I know is that I never want to hit anybody, slap anybody, or do anything like it. It’s like a Pandora’s Box to me.

      By the way, although I’m trying to take a break from blogging, that doesn’t include writing. One of your December prompts is still lurking in my gray matter. Hope to have something on it before the end of the month.

  5. coastalmom December 22, 2016 at 11:55 am

    I think you were in the right and you sound reasonable about the choice. That being said, I came from the era of spanking. My mom had a wooden spoon. And I can probably count on one hand how many times my dad swatted me. Maybe twice? Anyway, if you’ve read any of my Keri stories, you may know that when I was 17 to almost 20 I was in an abusive relationship. And you’d never know that would set him off….If I couldn’t tell him what I was thinking was a biggie. TODAY, I can’t imagine why I allowed any of it. It took us a LOOONGG time to break up too. So when he friend requested me on Facebook, who knew why I accepted. In the end, it almost ruined my life. Her was very sorry. Maybe I wanted the validation? Still not sure why I opened myself up to him again. He stalked me in those days after we broke up for a long time.
    When we reconnected, I was very careful not to share any of my personal information other than what my facebook page shared. But eventually he found a way and the cycle began. I wanted to say everything I’d always penned in my head if we’d ever run into each other again. He let me know I was the one who got away. I figured he was all grown up now. Allowing him in, almost ruined my life. Not because I was afraid of him, (I’d grown a mean back bone since my vulnerable days with him and vowed never again and was never scared of him again) but it was an addictive kind of experience. A lot of stuff happened during that reconnection. But most of all I know he knows now that I was the one who got away. And I guess that mattered to me in some crazy way. I am who I am because of him. Both good and bad. Funny how a few years in a life of more than a few decades can affect your whole life.
    Hitting that young girl may have been a stupid mistake. She may have had it coming. But in my case. I never saw it coming and though I racked my brain back then trying to understand if I deserved it or provoked it. Today I can say I didn’t. And so would he.

    • kingmidget December 22, 2016 at 7:55 pm

      There’s a dynamic to this whole issue that is completely lost in a lot of the responses I see to the incident involving this football player. It’s treated as such a black and white issue when, like so many issues, it is filled with gray. I can never and will never condone somebody striking another human being unless they are acting in self-defense.

      And I know because of my experience and that there are times when you are left with no other reasonable option but to strike out.

      There seems to be such an unwillingness by some people to stop and think and try to understand. They just lash out and criticize. Just get’s a little tiring.

      I, too, look back at those 3 1/2 years of my life, in my 20s when I should have been living large and having fun and wonder why I did what I did. I know why, but still, I wish I could go back and tell the me that was back then to not do what I ended up doing — waste 3 1/2 years of my life with a young woman that was so damaging to me.

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