What Scares Me
October 19, 2014
Posted by on
I’m suffering with serious motivation issues with my writing. Trying to slog through part two of Northville and just really struggling with it. But that’s not what scares me.
What scares me is this…
The well has run dry. Kind of. Sort of. For the past ten years, once I started this writing gig, I have never stopped coming up with ideas for short stories and novels. Now, while I have several half-completed novels that tempt me and frustrate me but which I don’t seem to find the ability to work on, the short story factory has closed as well. Every idea that pops up in my head is the same. It’s about longing and desire and need for something that is just not quite there. It’s on the tip of the tongue. On the edge of the horizon. It is, unfortunately, a story that revolves all around where I am at in life at the moment. And I don’t want to write that story. I want to write a story that has nothing to do with me. But I find myself completely incapable of contemplating such a story. Every idea comes back to that same thing. So, I don’t really even think about short stories anymore. And struggle with the motivation to continue the slog through Northville and those other projects.
That’s what scares me. I feel like something has fundamentally changed in my head. In my creative mind. In the things that go into storytelling for me. Something is shutting down. Or maybe has already shut down. The first part of Northville is complete at 30,000 words. Part two is now at 9,000 words. I want to be able to complete part two at about 30,000 words. And then a part three at another 30,000 words. Every day I think about it. Every day I wonder how I’ll possibly get it done. I know there’s plenty of story I could tell about Pete, Sophie and Lily. I just don’t know if I have it in me anymore.
Is it writer’s block? Could be. But this doesn’t feel like writer’s block. Even when I’ve struggled with a work in progress, I’ve been able to switch gears and work on something else. A short story. A blog post. Something that interested me and kept me writing until I could go back to that work in progress and carry it to completion. Now I just find it so difficult to pull words out of me on anything. Like I said, something fundamental seems to have changed and I don’t know how to make that happen.