KingMidget's Ramblings

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The Final Word

There’s this blogger out there.  He is what I described a few weeks ago as the best natural writer I’ve come across in the WordPress blogosphere.  He is easily on my short list of bloggers I’d like to meet for a beer one day.  I’m pretty sure the conversation would be incredible.  We’d laugh and we’d cry into the wee hours of the morning of our third day together.  He is incredibly smart.  Witty.  Creative.  Everything I wish I could be.  But because of what I’m about to say, I think I should keep his identity a secret.

You see, this blogger and I have been involved in a sporadic, long-range, long-term battle over which is better — Star Wars or the Lord of the Rings.

Recently, this blogger had a guest post from somebody else on the topic.  Surprise, surprise, this shill concluded that Star Wars would dominate LOTR in a battle.

But, let’s step back for a moment.  Is that all these two movies were about?  The battle?  Or was there more there?  I’d suggest there was more.  There was this.

In Star Wars, a brother and sister kissed each other not as brothers and sisters typically kiss each other.  The brother actually thought he was falling in love with his sister.  The ick factor of this alone (even discounting the horrible acting, the horrible dialogue, the fact that the Star Wars story is a re-tread of so many others) should render any rational thinker incapable of supporting the movie.  I mean, come on, what’s next … mother-in-law porn?

Did I just say that out loud?



19 responses to “The Final Word

  1. atkokosplace January 25, 2014 at 8:20 pm

    Lord of the Rings for the WIN!

    • kingmidget January 25, 2014 at 8:22 pm

      Thank you! I’m still not understanding these Star Wars fanatics that don’t get it.

      • atkokosplace January 25, 2014 at 8:30 pm

        The sibling thing still bothers me and how long ago was the first showing?….LOL. Why would he ever write it that way? The movie still would have worked without that part. Don’t get me started on the other SW movies! Gah!

      • kingmidget January 25, 2014 at 8:36 pm

        All I remember about the last set of three movies that came out was sitting in the very last movie and thinking that I’d never seen worse acting or worse dialogue … and then deciding that it was a good time to take a nap. So, I did. In the movie theater. I have never fallen asleep in a theater before or since.

      • atkokosplace January 25, 2014 at 8:39 pm

        Agreed…I had great optimism. Hope dashed away! Hahaha.

  2. Trent Lewin January 25, 2014 at 9:01 pm

    Midget, you totally honour me with your praise. It humbles me.

    And I laughed… yes, the brother-sister thing bothers me too. It’s just out and out ick. And mother-in-law porn… yikes.

    But a beer, my friend – someday we will make that happen. It would be an honour for me to meet a real writer.

    • kingmidget January 25, 2014 at 9:02 pm

      Hey! How’d you figure out I was talking about you? 😉

      • kingmidget January 26, 2014 at 7:25 am

        Just for the record, your guest blogger missed some critical points in his “military conflict analysis” of the two movies. First, the Death Stars have been destroyed. Second, the Empire would be fighting a two front war since the Rebels would still be fighting them. And, considering that the Rebels have more success at destroying Death Stars than the Empire has in actually using a Death Star, I’d put my money on there never being an operational Death Star again.

      • Trent Lewin January 26, 2014 at 8:22 am

        I can’t disagree with these points, Midget.

  3. List of X January 25, 2014 at 9:45 pm

    I did not say that Star Wars is better movie. I just did the military conflict analysis, and according to my model, even bad actors armed with a Death Star would probably win in a war against people armed swords and arrows.
    I can leave the question which movie was better to you and Trent as the real experts.

    • kingmidget January 26, 2014 at 7:23 am

      (1) their poor aim;
      (2) that the Death Star was only successfully used once (i.e., a small sample size to prove further successful use — see #1 above); and
      (3) the Death Stars (both of them) were destroyed.

      Bam! How they gonna use their Death Star? It doesn’t exist anymore.

      Oh, you think they’ll build another one? Well guess what? The rebels are still out there, too. Considering that they have a greater success rate at destroying Death Stars than the Empire has at actually using the things, I’ll count on the rebels’ success.

      It’s interesting that in your “military conflict analysis” you left out those critical facts. The Empire will be fighting a multiple front war if they were to go after Middle-Earth. The rebels are still there and I can guarantee they’d be battling the Empire. Ask Hitler how well a two-front war worked out.

      • List of X January 26, 2014 at 8:25 am

        I don’t know if you noticed, but this post was written as a humor post. And to squeeze more jokes in, I was deliberately unclear on when exactly in LOTR and Star Wars timelines the clash is happening – I got Vader, Emperor, Count Dooku, Death Star, rebels, Skywalker (first as already a part of SW but in the end, only about to enter the story), Frodo, Bilbo, Sauron, Smaug, Balrog, etc., all mentioned as alive and active, which cannot be possible in any timeline. There’s plenty more inconsistencies, if you just care to look for them. But humor doesn’t have to be accurate, because it’s not supposed to be, most of the time. It just has to be close enough to reality (or in this case, to a couple of fictional movie series) for an audience to relate.
        And that “close enough to reality” obviously includes the possibility that a Death Star could be successfuly used not just once, but twice. As far as my stretching of reality (a.k.a. fictional movie series) went, that was the most harmless.

      • kingmidget January 26, 2014 at 9:09 am

        I know it was meant to be humorous. Don’t take me seriously on this subject either.

  4. C. Miller January 25, 2014 at 9:48 pm

    I LOLed over this (don’t hate me for saying that).

    I have to say that while I AM a Star Wars fan to some degree, LOTR FOR SURE.
    I’m holding out hope that J.J. Abrams (who I think is a genius) will FIX IT. I will not say all I could on that because I’m worried I’ll get mobbed.
    I could rant for days about Star Wars, but I WILL still say that the ORIGINALS (bad acting aside) did wonders for the genre and I have to respect them for that. (I also have to say that THE CG ADD-INS NEED TO STOOOOOP).
    But I could also rant for days about how disappointed I was with the first Hobbit movie. I know that doesn’t technically count as LOTR, but it sort of does in a way. And it’s such a shame when those three movies were . . . some of the most spectacular cinematic things (I couldn’t think of another word) ever made (apart from Frodo, who I would love to push off a cliff, but that’s neither here nor there).

    If you have an extra spot on that ‘beer’ list . . . . . . .

    • kingmidget January 26, 2014 at 7:17 am

      There is always room on the beer list, particularly for a fellow writer. I, too, was disappointed with the first Hobbit movie. My main disappointment was that he was going to take three movies to tell the tale. I’ve grown tired of his treatment of the characters and the Tolkien stories. I just didn’t need to sit through seven or eight more hours of Gandalf being gray, dwarves acting silly, elves acting serious, and hobbits doing all the dangerous stuff. As I said elsewhere … the problem with The Hobbit series is that Jackson has turned them into a homage to himself rather than a homage to Tolkien and the story.

      • C. Miller January 27, 2014 at 8:47 pm

        I’m glad to hear that. 🙂

        And I definitely get what you’re saying about what he’s doing with it, but I’ll admit I hadn’t thought of that before (or realized it).
        I could probably sit through a ridiculous amount of hours with it all though (already have, given how many times I’ve watched those movies).
        My major problem with The Hobbit was it seemed . . . LAZY in comparison to LOTR. Put people in goblin costumes like you did for those, PLEASE. The CG goblins RUINED it for me. When comparing the two, it’s one thing, but not to mention how much CG like that dates movies. It’s like Jurassic Park. That will always be fantastic due to the animatronics opposed to having copious amounts of dated CG.
        I haven’t seen the second one yet, but I’m NOT looking forward to the plot deviations. Not at all. To me, there’s a major difference between creative leeway and completely fudging something.
        Granted it’s been a long time since I read The Hobbit (about 10 years or so), but . . . I do NOT remember Legolas stepping foot in that story.

      • kingmidget January 28, 2014 at 6:45 am

        I get exactly what you’re saying about feeling the Hobbit was lazy. And it’s why I haven’t and won’t see the second installment even though people are saying it was better than the first installment.

      • C. Miller January 29, 2014 at 12:37 am

        I’ll watch the second installment, but I wasn’t going to waste a ridiculous amount of money to see in in 3D in theaters like I did with the first, then buy it in 3D when it came out. That’s just a ‘buy it later at some unknown point’ sort of thing. It’s not something I’d go broke(r) to get.
        The only person I’ve talked to about it said it was worse for them, due to the plot deviations. :/

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