KingMidget's Ramblings

Pull up a chair. Let's talk.

The Fundamental Reality

And it may be obvious.

We come here because we’re missing something over there.  I’ll speak personally rather than assume I know the reasons for everybody else.  I have a great group of friends that come from different aspects of my life.  That’s not quite true, actually.  We have all become good friends by getting to know each other through work.

There’s the Eclectic One.  A woman six weeks younger than me who I met more than 25 years ago, while I was working at the law school I would end up attending.  Through thick and thin and everything in between, we have been best friends for so long, it’s hard to imagine life without her.  Although we talk sporadically and see each other even less, we’re always able to talk about anything and everything.  We share a love of books, we’re politically liberal, we have both loved and lost in the years we’ve known each other, and helped each other through all those battles life brings.

There’s Guest Blogger.  I met him only a few years ago and he quickly became somebody I could trust to share my deepest, darkest secrets as I do for him as well.  We share a desire to escape the world.  An idealism of what humanity could be.  A passion for pizza and beer and trying, trying so hard, to do things the right way.  We suffer mightily at our failings and those of our kind.  We share good times and bad.  I couldn’t have imagined the last few years without GB.

There’s Pocahontas.  A woman I worked with for only a year or two, but she, too, became my best friend.  For almost ten years now we’ve carried on a conversation about our lives, our fears, our desires.  Everything you can possibly imagine.  She knows what I think before I’ve even thought it.  We’re the type of friends who could finish each other’s sentences if we wanted to.

There are others (and if you feel slighted for not being included in my list, don’t, you know you’re on the list).  I call them my circle.  For the most part, they have no idea who the other members of my circle are.  I’ve never had a meeting with all members of my circle.  That would be amazing, though — I think they’d refer to it as an intervention.  🙂  But they know this — they are a part of my circle.  Playing a critical role in my daily existence.  As they step in and step out, they provide me with an opportunity to fill a void that is left mostly unfulfilled by my immediate family.

And let me pause here for a moment.  “Immediate family” is something that different people define in different ways.  Once I got married and had kids, my family became that group.  My wife and our two kids.  They became the center around which my world rotated.  Yet, there has been something utterly lacking in that center.

I get it from my circle.  And I get it here.  So many of the things I talk about here, if I raised with my immediate family, I would get blank stares and a change of subjects.  Deep, meaningful conversations are a thing they shy away from.  Talk about feelings?  Share deepest fears and biggest dreams?  No.  No.  No.  We talk about the “business” of life.  Never about the emotions of our existence.  Unless I bring it up and then it’s like dragging a stubborn cow out of the barn trying to get them to open up.

I call it intimacy.  Not physical intimacy, but emotional, intellectual, social, spiritual, metaphysical, psychological intimacy.  It’s all wrapped up into these words that I share with my circle and that I put into this blog.  And in the 2+ years I’ve been running this blog, my circle has grown.

In this odd way, the sharing of thoughts and feelings through this blog and reading posts by other bloggers who are willing to share a piece of themselves — and then come back for more.  It’s all about filling a part of that void.  We’ve never met, yet you read my thoughts, share yours, and we continue down the path of our lives.  Scattered around the world, but on our blogs, together we search for answers and solutions.  A fellow blogger claimed recently that he reads my blog and learns from it.  He even used the word “teacher” to describe me.  Pshaw.  I’m not a teacher.  We are all students in the classroom of life and we are here to help each other.

I asked a question a post or two ago about whether your family reads your blog.  The answers I got speak for themselves.  I have this feeling I’m not alone in struggling with the need to talk intimately and feeling like there isn’t some one on the other end.  Except for my circle.  Except for you.

9 responses to “The Fundamental Reality

  1. Lilith Colbert August 25, 2013 at 8:03 am

    Reblogged this on 5 Degrees Of Inspiration and commented:
    I SO know the feels here….

  2. runningtoherdreams August 25, 2013 at 11:54 am

    I love this, I feel like I definitely have a wonderful community here! I am not sure I have a void though? But now you have got me wondering, I will have to think about that one! 🙂

  3. olivia August 25, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    Interesting perspective.

    For me, I think it’s a little different. My family reads my blog, we talk about related content, but there is something about the act of expressing through written words that allows me the slow reflection I crave and don’t get when I speak as I think… Thoughts feel more concrete, permanent, formed when written, or at least for me. It just doesn’t feel the same to say them aloud, I like the slow crafting of ideas into a coherent stream of thought that I can go back to in the future…

    But, I do think blogging attracts an audience of like minded people who keep the process going/relevant. It’s not the same as a journal, which I’ve never had the discipline to keep for long.

    • kingmidget August 25, 2013 at 3:54 pm

      I’ve never even tried a journal. I need a conversation to keep doing. If I did that in a journal it would indicate I’m crazy. 😉

      • olivia August 25, 2013 at 3:56 pm


        And, to be fair, I’ve always wondered if wanting attention for my writing is indicative of some void in my self-esteem– like I need some sort of public recognition to be vindicated… But, then I think that no, I like to write, and the only way to get paid to write is to have public recognition…

        Such a circle of thoughts 😉

      • kingmidget August 25, 2013 at 4:03 pm

        I think that’s the point for me … Generating a circle of thoughts and ideas. I love to sit and talk with a friend or two about anything and everything. That’s what I try to do with my blog, I think, try to have the kind of conversation, to write about the kinds of things I’d talk about if my reader was across a table from me.

      • olivia August 26, 2013 at 6:14 pm

        Makes sense to me!

  4. Bastet August 26, 2013 at 12:11 am

    Thanks for sharing this, blogging opens a lot of doors into another kind of intimacy and friendship, no less real than “real life”. It has the plus that you come into contact with people of similar interests, a peer group and a support group, that can be damed hard to find in your own back yard. 🙂

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