From I Saw You Dancing:
How are you going to celebrate your self this festive season?
Well, here’s a tough one. Being harder on myself than anybody else, being constantly self-analytical — well, it’s difficult to conclude that I deserve to celebrate myself. I could be a better father, a better partner, a better boss, a better employee. I could always be a better human being. And, given that, what is there to celebrate?
Ah, this is just a bad topic for me today. Very contemplative. More so than usual. More blah. More so than usual. Celebrate myself? What’s to celebrate? As I wrote to a friend today … I’ve spent a lot of energy today thinking about the regrets that fill my life.
Here’s what I’ll do … I’m going to try to find a day some time in the next month where I’m going to do everything I possibly can to shut my brain off. Find a place to go and do … what? I don’t know.
Who am I kidding? Shut my brain down? Turn off all the endless thoughts that fill every nook and cranny? Yeah, right. Here’s what I need to do. Here’s how I’m going to celebrate myself.
Find every opportunity I can to spend time with the people I enjoy the most, delving into their innermost secrets and desires. Laughing and living. Being instead of becoming.
There will be a day this month when I find a river or an ocean beach. (Strong preference for the beach.) There, I’ll be by myself for a bit … walking and pondering. Maybe just maybe, I’ll celebrate myself by considering the positives that have come from the things I regret. Because you know what, every regret has a good that came with it. Here’s one …
I regret that I lived a childhood filled with fear. The other boys got together and played tackle football every fall for years. I refrained because of my fear of getting hurt. All I could see when I envisioned playing tackle football was my body lying at the bottom of a heap of boys with broken bones protruding from my body. I regret all the fun I missed as a child because of my fears. I feared roller coasters and never rode them until…
Well, here’s the positive of this regret. Went to Disneyland this summer and for the first time ever went on just about every roller coaster there and had such incredible fun. Best time ever! So, the positive? Maybe, it’s this … saving some of those things for later and then overcoming the fears and experiencing something you’ve resisted for years, decades, well, it makes it all the more sweeter.
Another way I’ll celebrate myself this holiday season … overcome a fear and experience something I’ve never experienced before. Got any ideas?
Best I can do with this prompt.