And I’m Sorry.
I began thinking about this in the context of my family dynamics. It goes something like this. I spend a lot of time in my head for a lot of different reasons. Ever since I started writing, the story part of my head has dominated. There’s a lot of chatter out there about how most writers are introverts. I won’t necessarily disagree with that, but I think there’s more to it than just being an introvert. It’s about living in our heads, in our stories.
There are far too many times when I’d rather be there in my head, pondering the mysteries of the story I’m working on. Or sitting at my laptop and pounding away, trying to release those mysteries into words that form sentences and paragraphs that unravel into a story somebody might want to read. More often than not, I’d rather do that than engage in family activities, visit friends, do the things that make for a social life.
It may be that things could be different if I had more time. But I have that day job, the one that pays the bills, and sucks so much time out of every week. With that interference, I have so little time to write my frustration at interruptions grows.
It may also be that there are far too many stories in my head now. It used to be that I really only had one at a time. Or maybe one novel and one short story at a time. Now, however, there are the three novels in progress and, gawd, I don’t know how many short stories in progress. They’re all up there, clammering for my attention, demanding that I spend time with them. And, there’s this little itty bitty sliver of time I have each day to devote to writing.
As a result … well, I’m sorry. To my family. I’m a writer. And I’m sorry.
Then I realized it applies here as well, it’s why I posted the Gone Fishin’ and Out of Office graphics over the last couple of weeks, and also why I’ve been relatively absent from my WordPress community lately.
Regular readers will know that I struggle with the balance between many things in my life. One of those is the balance between blogging and writing. Writing meaning working on my fiction. Over the 2+ years that I have engaged in serious blogging, I have been extremely derelict in my writing efforts. It’s far easier to come here, write something about what’s on my mind and then read your blogs, than to squeeze those mysteries into words. And I’ve been taking the easy way out for far too long.
Something happened a couple of months ago. I got re-energized with my writing and began to set reachable goals on stories that I felt I could write and finish, while looking forward to the novels in progress that await a deeper commitment of my time and energy and emotion.
At the same time, I became somewhat overwhelmed by what has become my blogging community. Too many blogs to follow, too many posts every day. Just too much. And so I’m dialing back my daily interaction here on WordPress. It’s not just here, by the way. It’s in all the social media realms I hang out in. Whether it’s playing Words with Friends, lurking on Facebook, posting photos to Instagram, or twittering (yeah, I know, it’s tweeting, but twittering sounds so much better). I’d like to delete all of the apps on my smart phone and go back to the days when a cell phone was simply for making calls when needed.
What all of this is really about is what I said at the outset. I’m a writer. And I’m sorry. I need to dedicate myself to that for awhile. I’ll still check in here every now and then with updates and rambles, but nowhere near the frequency of the past two years, and I’ll definitely keep an eye on the WordPress Reader to see what you all are up to, but much if it may be very behind the scenes.
I posted a Gone Fishing graphic awhile back. It really should be this.